Arseweb is beginning to get worried about Nicolas Anelka. Madness is one thing, but he seems to be descending into lunacy.

In his latest interview with the Evening Standard - a curiously regular event, given his apparent loathing of the British media - he tells Steve Stammers that he isn't enjoying football at the moment, and if things don't get better, he will quit the game.

'I should be enjoying myself out there on the pitch,' is the quote. 'But that is not happening and I am very sad about that. If I continue not enjoying myself out on the pitch, then maybe it is time to stop playing football. It is better to do that.'

Arseweb is indebted to Mr Stammers for telling us that Anelka is now a regular feature of the French answer to Spitting Image - 'his puppet wears a shirt bearing the squad number 23,000,000 and it is seen listening to a walkman, constantly playing a Nintendo game and speaking to no one'. (Although we must ask, surely the French wouldn't quote Anelka's price in pounds, non?)