We don't want this to turn into a Palace newsreel. But we note the news that Steve Coppell has just left Selhurst 'by mutual consent' (ahem). We'd hate to think it was Arseweb's fault for mocking him in the article published less than 24 hours earlier!

Crytstal Palace boss Steve Coppell is reportedly (and you know what that means...) begging Ian Wright to come out of retirement and save the Eagles.

Palace conceded 6 (S-I-X) at Millwall in a pre-season friendly at the weekend... bringing to 15 the total number of goals they've conceded in three pre-season games - the others being against the mighty Reading and (gulp) Crawley Town. In these three hammerings, the Selhurst side have scored a single, humble goal.

'I would have bet my house and every penny I have against that happening,' said Coppell - showing the sort of financial acumen that got Palace into such dire trouble in the first place.

'We have got just two weeks to sort this mess out. Everyone knows Wrighty loves playing football. I have told him that if his TV work is not too demanding and he gets bored stiff, he is more than welcome to pop along to our training ground. Having him around the place could only be a benefit to the other players here.'