A report in this morning's Daily Star, flagged as an exclusive - although that may only mean 'we made this one up all by ourselves!', says Arsenal know who they want as manager, if Arsene Wenger can't sign a contract within the next 10 days.

Yes, apparently we're after Louis van Gaal - the bloke who failed to get a team containing Van der Sar, Stam, Davids, Kluivert, Van Nistelrooy, etc etc, to the World Cup finals.

'He has been left in the wilderness by Holland's failure to qualify,' says the Star - no kidding! - 'and would be ready to take over at the end of the season.'

His first act as manager - and surely this is the earliest summer transfer rumour in history, it's only just November! - would be to buy Patrick Kluivert and Edgar Davids... with the proceeds from selling Patrick Vieira to Real Madrid.

There are no quotes to back the story up.