The Press Association reports that Alex Ferguson has been found not guilty of illegally driving on a motorway hard shoulder, after he told a court he was rushing to get to a lavatory.

It was apparently an 'emergency' medical situation - Fergie was suffering from severe diarrhoea. But Arseweb would contend that we have all had to get used to crap flowing uncontrollably from Ferguson's orifices for years.

This latest motoring offence follows the club's refusal earlier this week to own up as to who was caught speeding in a company car.

Rupe adds...
The editor of the Mirror, Piers Morgan, responded to this new by sending Ferguson a packet of Immodium with a note saying "Arsenal fans always knew he was full of shit".