The Evening Standard reports that Arsene Wenger has told David Seaman to cut off the now infamous ponytail.

But not, amusingly, because it looks ridiculous. Oh no. 'It makes him less aerodynamic,' Le Boss apparently told a guest at a French Embassy soirée.

In a remarkable non sequitur (look it up), the Standard goes on to suggest that 'perhaps this will be the final insult which makes him decide to end his long and distinguished international career.' You wot?