Replica shirts are all very well, but surely the ultimate for the dedicated fan of Ray Parlour must be to live in Ray's own flat.

The Evening Standard's weekly property supplement reports that the 'reformed soccer bad-boy' is offering his three-bedroom Belgravia flat for rent, at a knockdown £1,050 per week.

Located in Upper Belgrave Street (not Lower, as the Standard said), the agent describes the pad as 'an absolutely stunning newly redecorated throughout apartment in a lovely street close to Victoria tube and shops, situated in a sunny lower ground floor impressive Victorian conversion.'

Apparently its major selling point is its 'large electronic private garage entered from the mews behind with direct access into the property.' Very handy, the agent tells the Standard, for smuggling in girlfriends and boyfriends.

Something to discuss, perhaps, as you form that orderly queue for the club's new bargain debenture scheme. At least for £3,500 to £5,000, you'd be getting somewhere to live for a month. Contact letting agents Chard if you're interested... and pay Arseweb an appropriate finder's fee, please.